The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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