you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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