you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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