ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
