someone owes me an orgasm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
