Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The air taste purple.
Randomize
