Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
