it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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