I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
