Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
