Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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