my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
