yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
