guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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