Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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