My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
