Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
