The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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