his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
