im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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