You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
