Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
