Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
