I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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