Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
