Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
