so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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