I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
