holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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