just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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