I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
