Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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