well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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