My first STD was from a foam party
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
