so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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