Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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