There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
