I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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