Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
