i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
