You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
