from now on my penis is your penis
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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