he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
