You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
