Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
