giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
