We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Even my vagina gasped.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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