you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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