Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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