I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
