i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
