Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found puke in my bra..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
