chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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