im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
