I will die if light touches me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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