Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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