I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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