i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
